You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
