I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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