you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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