Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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