I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
