Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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