Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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