i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
