I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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