he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
