I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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