I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
