thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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