I hate your face
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
