A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I am naked and annoyed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
