I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
