I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
