It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
