You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
