I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
