Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
