i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
