the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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