Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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