so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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