you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
