thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
