Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
