thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
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