So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
