I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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