nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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