And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
