I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She even gives head with a lisp.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
