id be glad to
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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