your thong is hanging out like whoa
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
