First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
