Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
