If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
as a side note pls kill me
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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