so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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