I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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