Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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