hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
