Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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