if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
