i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
