weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
