I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am available for nakedness
I'm too high and old for this...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
