My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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