I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize