Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
