Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
