I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
