you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
