i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
