is your mom at the bar?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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