he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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