i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
