Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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