omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
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Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
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I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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