I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
