I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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