tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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