dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's rum buckets o'clock
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
