the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
