So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
did i just pee glitter
Randomize
