How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
